BDSM & fetish community
for kinksters by kinksters.



How do I delete my account/profile? (direct link)

What you mean you want to delete your account? That blows llama ass… and I know… I've blown… things… like balloons and such. But I digress.

The easiest way to delete your profile is to go to the  https://fetlife.com/deactivate?type=delete link.  Click on your nickname in the upper right hand part of your browser window.  Then Click on “Edit Profile”.  On the right hand side, you’ll see a link to “Delete profile”.  We ask you a few questions, and your profile goes "inactive" and into the queue to be deleted in seven days.  Change your mind?  No worries!  Just log back into FetLife anytime in the next 7 days, and your profile becomes active and moves out of the delete queue!


 Just remember, we will always be here for you. Don't hesitate to re-join in the future.

How do I change my nickname? (direct link)

You now have the ability to change your own nickname every 28 days! For your convenience, click here. Otherwise click on your nickname at the top of the browser window. Click on “Edit Profile” in the drop down box. The second tab from the left is “Change Nickname”. Remember, please make sure that your new nickname is between 2 and 16 alphanumeric characters (letters and numbers) and does not consist of any spaces or periods (dashes and underscores are ok though) - our computers scream "RED" on spaces!

You should also check to see if anyone on the site is already using the nickname you want. A quick way to do this is to type in http://fetlife.com/usernameYOUwant in the URL bar.  If there is someone with that username, it will bring them up.  Otherwise it will take you to your activity feed.

  • http://fetlife.com/johnbaku
  • http://fetlife.com/SurelyNobodyHasThisNickname

Note: If you don't want to wait the 28 days, the caretakers can still change your nickname for you at any time, just make sure to email them from the email address attached to your profile, mention your current nickname and desired nickname so they can do it for you.

How do I put intro text about myself on my profile? (direct link)

You know people want to know about you - come on, who wouldn't? To add text to your profile, click on your username in the header of any page on FetLife, and then on the "edit profile" link in the drop-down box.

On that page you will see several tabs, click on the one named "About You" and just start typing away. Once you have everything the way you want it, click the "Update" button and presto, the text will appear on your profile. Wash and repeat if you want to edit the text.

My location isn't on your list, what do I do? (direct link)

Currently, the list of locations only includes actual cities (don't shoot the messenger). We realize this is annoying and we need to fix it. However, we cannot fix the problem without overhauling the whole thing, so in the meantime, if your location is not listed, please pick the closest city to you until we can get and integrate a more thorough list of locations. Sorry for the inconvenience :(

Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?; boy do I miss that game.

I don't want everyone to know where I live, what do I do? (direct link)

What we recommend you do is choose a location far enough from you that you are comfortable with yet in your general area. If you really want to be off the radar you can always just specify your country as "Antarctica"... There are more kinksters than you would think living in Antarctica. And apparently the penguin population is getting very nervous... For the leather, you pervs, the leather!!!

Does FetLife allow multiple profiles? (direct link)

Yes, FetLife allows people to have multiple profiles.  For example, MeanUberDom might have a secret fantasy about being spanked, and doesn't feel comfortable letting all his friends know - so he creates a secondary (also called alternate) profile called PlsSpankMeMommy to explore this side of his sexuality.  His pictures there might not be of himself (but of course, still copy-right compliant!).  The information about age and such changed to help him feel comfortable and not judged by others.  But it is still the sort of profile allowed on FetLife.

There are some types of alternate profiles that we do not allow.  For example:

  • Sock Puppets -  alternate or secondary profiles that are used to go around blocks, bans, or spoof or maliciously attack other members of FetLife.  When reported and verified, we wash those socks right out of FetLife!
  • Impostors - someone posing as another real person.  As soon as the real person says "Not Cool!", we delete the profile.
Can I deactivate my profile instead of deleting it? (direct link)
Feel the need for a vacation from Kink?   Need to go invisible for a bit, but not delete your profile?  FetLife has you covered!  When you go to the https://fetlife.com/deactivate to delete your account, you have the choice to deactivate it instead!  That way you can make it so that no one can view your account or send you messages, and you can come back to the same profile at a later date.  I wish that would work with, well, work...
Email Notifications (direct link)
So the group that you joined is more than a bit overwhelming your email box with notifications.  How the heck do you turn off those things?

You can do that in either of two ways.

Your global email notifications settings are in your "Update Settings" area of your profile.  Click on your nickname in the upper right hand corner of the web page.  A drop down box opens up, and then you click on "Update Settings".  The "Email Notifications" tab has all of your email notifications in one place.  Click On or Off as appropriate, and then on the "Update" button at the bottom of the screen.

In a particular group, in the upper right hand corner, you will see a little white checkbox that says "email notifications". When you join a group, you are subscribed to receive notifications of new discussions. Uncheck the checkbox to prevent receiving these notifications. 

If you are still receiving notifications for a group that you are in, try two things:

A) Be patient - it can sometimes take up to 12 hours for the change to hit the email boxes if we are really swamped, and

B) Make sure that you aren't still signed up to receive that notification on a different profile...  (Yeah, it happens a lot!)
How do I change my email address? (direct link)
So you want all your FetLife email to be going to a particular email address that is different than the one you signed up on, huh?  No worries, mon!  Click on your nickname in the upper right hand portion of your browser window, then click on "Update Settings".  The tab with your email address should be the one that opens up.  Click on Update, and its a wrap.  Unless you are into sandwiches instead...
What? I have 2 feeds? (direct link)
Yes, you do! There are actually 2 separate activity feeds running for everyone.
The first one is the activity you are doing yourself (commenting on posts and pictures, uploading writing, pics, and vids, etc) that shows up when anyone clicks on your profile or when you view your own profile as others see it.
The second one that you see when you click on the home page is your friends' activity,  The only time you will see your name on this feed is if you comment on someone's status update.
All of your friends see when you upload a new picture and anyone who looks at your profile can see that as well.
If you have any other questions, please feel free to contact the caretakers at support@fetlife.com.
How do I make a secondary profile? (direct link)
Simple!  You make it the same way you made your first profile.  However, please note that FetLife requires a unique:
  • email address
  • nickname
  • phone number (if using SMS verification)

return to table of contents

^ going up? ^